Saturday, May 30, 2009

Best. Gifts. Ever. ?

I recently had a birthday, as people do, and got a lot of great gifts from my loved ones... perhaps the most fantastic, and certainly the most pertinent to this blog, were the bevvy of bacon themed gifts I got from my aunt (and would have gotten from my older brother, had his bottles of home made bacon vodka not exploded before he could give them to me). Sadly, none of these gifts were "Bacon: A love story", but I suppose I will have to buy that for myself. What I did get was the following:

1 jar of Bacon Salt
2 jars of Baconnaise
1 tube of Bacon lip balm
1 case of Bacon dental floss
1 tin of Bacon jelly beans
1 tin of Bacon mints
2 tins of bacon tooth-picks
1 Bacon scented air freshener
1 figurine (and prayer card) of St. Anthony, patron saint of bacon (who knew?)
1 "Seduced by Bacon" cook book.
1 box of Strawberry flavored Bacon gummi's.

All this to say that I have just learned that not all things that are bacon flavored actually taste like bacon. Math formula: Bacon Flavored < Made with real Bacon. Also, Made with real Bacon > Kevin Bacon.

So, have you ever given or received any Bacon themed gifts? I suggest that it's high time you start.

I guess my aunt didn't get the memo that Bake and Bacon fest starts next year.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Be Still My Heart

Sadly, I have no pictures to accompany this, but I thought it worth recording anyway. This week, while staying with my best friend, Derek, in Ventura, I was party to a wonder of meat mixtures. It goes like this:

Pepperjack Cheese
Bacon (four strips)
Hamburger patty (covered in Red Robbin seasoning)
Pepperjack Cheese
Bratwurst patty
Pepperjack Cheese

That, right there, is.... wonderful. It was enough burger that I don't think I could eat another one for at least a month.

*Edit: I forgot (and how could I? I am ashamed) that the whole thing was topped with a fried egg... well, it was topped with half of a bun, but just under that was a fried egg.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Dearest Lauren

I've been in lyric mode since watching Once this week. Great music, that... not much of a movie though. Anyway, I'm terrible at writing music, but I'm not (in my own opinion) bad at writing words... so, based on the true story of my own most recent "romantic" entanglement, I decided to write the following. If anyone out there is any good at writing music, I welcome your attempts at completing this venture.

Dearest Lauren

I remember how things went when we first spoke,
And how you laughed at all my awkward jokes.
How you seemed so happy just to talk to me,
But all I thought was how I had to pee.

I felt I might burst as we talked for hours,
Or, as I responded while you talked for hours.
I do not remember anything you said,
I only had one thought within my head.

How the hell do I get out of here?
I need to be somewhere else.
I just need to make it clear
I’d rather be by my self.

After I gave you the number to my phone,
I sadly found you’d not leave me alone.
I’d see your call, my cell phone in my hand,
And later say I’d been playing Rockband.

We dated for too long, and, to be true,
My every thought was how to part with you.
You said you loved me every time we kissed,
And all the while, my only thought was this:

How the hell do I get out of here?
I need to be somewhere else.
I just need to make it clear
I’d rather be by my self.

I broke your heart inside the Oakridge mall,
It had to be in public after all.
To try to keep the scene from getting loud,
I had to make sure we were in a crowd.

You begged, and said that we could work things out.
I said there’s nothing left to talk about.
No chance for us, not at another juncture,
Then we walked to the same parking structure.

How the hell do I get out of here?
I need to be somewhere else.
I just need to make it clear
I’d rather be by my self.